
  Nr.4   1997   Price: 80 Pakistani Rupees, 1.42 Dinar, 2.00 USD, 2.70 CAD

                                        \  ####    <- Authentic "one size 
                                         *######      fits all" turban
                                  #      ########
                                  ##      ######
                              ######      #####
           Sanjed the  ->   ########     #####      <- Arabus Raunchius,
           Camel, our      ##########      #######     better known as the
           mascot and       ##  #####     #####        common Paki.
           a Paki deity     #   ####      ######
                            #   ####   #########
                            #  ####    #########
                            #  ####   #  #######
                            # #####  #    #####
              Emergency ->  # ####  #     ######
              Brake         # ######    #########
                            #  ####################
                             # #####################
                              #######################
                                #####################  <- Note the tattoo
                                 ###################      saying "Paradigm
                                 ######      #######      was here"
                                  ####       ######
                                  ###         #####
                                  ###         ### #
                                  ###         ### #
                                  ###          ## #
                                  ###          ####
                                 ##           ###
                          
                                 WWW.BUDGETPAKI.ORG

=============================================================================

It is Sunday 29 SHa`baan 542 B.H and here is, straight from the vast desert
regions of the third world...


               THE THIRD WORLD PAKI CHARTS - APRIL 1997 EDITION


=============================================================================


Theme Song (to be sung to the chorus of Jay-Z's "Ain't No")

Ain't no Paki like the one I've got
No one eats curry better
Runs the 7-11 and stinks a lot       
Has enough back hair to make a sweater

* Note: To skip this section, just do a Find "*****"

        Straight off our Indian tour, we've unpacked our camels, added 27 more
wives to our harem, and searched the Dead Sea Scrolls for more interesting
tidbits to share.  Visiting with us this month is brother Al-Ahazred from
Calcutta, and his 573rd half brother "Azim" from Razor.  Yes it's really a
Razor member who has scene knowledge, he just prefers to remain anonymous,
as he recently finished writing "The Satanic Verses 2" and remembers what
happened to Solomon Rushdie.  Apparently he was not familiar with the first
rule of the desert (No, not "don't drop the soap near nomads who've been
wandering the desert without the sight of a woman for 12 years"), and having
had his brains fried by the blazing sun when he didn't wear his turban he
intends to speak on Razor's behalf.  May Allah have mercy, this should be
funnier than seeing those ugly American women who do not have the luxurious
body hair we expect of our fine figured Pakistani women.  In short, grab your
magic lamps and start to rub, cause we're back!

P.S.  There are now only 4 "top" groups.  We await the rise to power of
another clan of Western dogs.  We'll see who steps up to claim recognition.
Also, this month's group commentaries shouldn't be as long as the previous
issue's.  Not that much has changed in the group activity, so we'll only
focus on the things that we think will be of interest.

        How do we rate games you say?  Normally we let the camels choose the
pick of the litter, but for now we'll go by the following system:

******************************************************************************
 GROUND RULES
******************************************************************************

1. In regards to assigning credit, the rule is FIRST COMPLETE, WORKING, 
   CRACKED version wins.  This is not to say that SUBST is not a viable way
   of getting a release out.  In the case of a race, however, where two
   groups put up a title within 1 hour or so of each other, if one is cracked
   and the other is a subst, the cracked one gets credit.  It is to be hoped
   that this will remind half the idiotic groups out there about the rules
   they agreed to.

2. Betas.  Some people dislike them, others don't.  Here's how we define a
   beta, and we'll deal with it in the following manner.  A Beta = If a 
   program is different from the version you buy on a store shelf, guess what,
   it's a beta (despite fervent claims that this is not the right way to
   define beta, it's been the right way for 8 years, and us Pakis don't
   break with tradition...oops, forgot to put on my turban).  If a group is
   forthright about it, and puts that a game is a beta in their .NFO and .DIZ
   they get half the credit that the full title would have gotten.  Should
   a group decide it's best to pull the wool over our eyes, they get the
   acclaimed Razor "it's final just not the store final" award and 1/10 
   of the points that the full title would get.  If a group releases a
   final version, PROVIDED THEY HAVE SUFFICIENT PROOF (File size differences, 
   especially in the .EXE as well as any other obvious differences in gameplay, 
   such as the addition of multiplayer, etc will be sufficient proof)
   to justify the final, they are awarded the same points as would be given 
   to a previously unreleased title.

3. The disk limit is set at 50 1.44 Meg Disks.  Go over it, and us Pakis will
   not only bestow upon you the Paradigm "quality not quantity, rip not rape,
   good games need no limit" award, which is a little golden statue depicting
   a pile of shit upon a pedestal, we will also give you 20 NEGATIVE POINTS to
   be subtracted from your monthly total and a big fuck you.  The limit is 50, 
   5-0 (even us Pakis can count this high), and since it was set by all 
   groups, much to their chagrin now we're sure, breaking it results in a 
   heinous act of stupidity and lameness.  The fleas of a thousand camels 
   will find your tent as punishment.

4. Addons are legit releases in the following case ONLY.  If the company who
   makes the game made the addon, it counts just like any other game.  For
   example, the Steel Panthers Campaign disk by SSI is for the game Steel 
   Panthers, also made by SSI, thus it gets credit.  70 More Levels of Warcraft 
   is made by Lame Pakis, Inc for the game Warcraft from Blizzard, thus it does
   not get credit.  Scenario disks have always been legit, the fact that 
   nowadays they are 10 disks instead of 1 changes nothing, despite what
   lame asses would like you to believe.

5. Games that are for MMX, special 3D FX cards, etc are NOT legit releases.
   Put one out, get -1 points, and understand there is a reason real groups
   pass on them.  Even Pakis, as dirty and foul as we are after a day in 
   New Delhi in 100 degree weather, find putting one out is disgusting.

6. Sound, Video, etc Addons get NO points.  You get one release per CD,
   that's all.

******************************************************************************
 RATING SYSTEM
******************************************************************************

        You're not all going to agree with this, and we don't care.  We
can't please everyone, and if you get angry with us, we'll just commence
passive resistance by sitting on your lawn and stinking up the place.  People
have different opinions of what the "big" games are, what the "big" companies
are, etc.  You will have to trust our judgement, even if we are stupid sand
crawlers.

1. A previously unreleased game will receive between 1 - 10 points, depending
   on how "big" a title something is.  This is a measure of how good a game
   we believe it is, how expected a title by gamers it is, and by how big the
   company who made it is.  We are Paki-Americans, so if some title like 
   "Ultimate Soccer Manager '96-'97 Swedish League Deluxe Edition" is big in 
   Europe and we give it minimal points, deal with it.  If it ever appears
   in this country, it will be 2 years later and in the bargain bin.

2. We give bonuses for good ripping!  If a game is less than 20 disks, it
   gets a 1 point bonus.  If a game is less than 10 disks, it gets a 2 point
   bonus.  These bonus points cannot be used, however, to upset the #1 group.
   To give an example, let's say Class is ranked as #2, having put out 10 
   unreleased card games at 4 disks a piece.  They score a 70 + 20 bonus 
   points for a total of 90.  If Razor, ranked at #1, put out 10 unreleased 
   games, all of which were over 20 disks, and scored an 80 total (since they 
   got no bonus points), they still win, since the actual scores are 
   Class 70, Razor 80.  Why do we do it this way?  Not all games can be 
   ripped below a certain level, simply because they are so big, and since 
   the groups don't program them, they shouldn't get penalized.  What good 
   are the points then?  They can be used to upset any other rank than #1.
   If Class had been ranked #3 without bonus points and Razor #2, Class would
   have gained the #2 spot.  We feel most ranks are inconsequential compared
   to #1.

3. Final versions get the same points as unreleased versions, betas get 1/2 or 
   1/10 the points depending on the situation as we mentioned before.
                                                       
4. Trainers, Cheats, and anything else that is a really big help to 
   incompetent Pakis like us will get 1 point.

5. Two points will be subtracted for every NECESSARY fix.  A fix to play
   something multiplayer, though it runs fine for 100 single missions, is
   not considered necessary.  Something like patching a CD Check that pops
   up after every level IS.

******************************************************************************
 RUMORS: The Current Scene Rumor Section
******************************************************************************

- ALALALALALALALALALALALALALLALALALALALALLAH! The Pakis sound the war cry as
  we achieve victory in yet another contest.  Not only did we win the 250th
  annual Slushee making contest in Bombay last week, but we have also gone
  online for all you Paki turncoats who shun our wondrous society and religion
  for the material pleasures of the computer.   WWW.BUDGETPAKI.ORG is the
  place to be!

- The Renegade Chemist swears by the great Ganesh that he did not join Hybrid.
  Apparently HBD has been drinking Ganges River water.  Hmmm...that explains
  a lot.

- As predicted in the books of the Koran, Menion Leah of PDM has come back out
  of retirement.  We predicted that this guy was a loser and would reappear.
  Once again our mighty Paki viziers gaze into the future and bring you the
  truth.

- Check out   http://www.wired.com/wired/5.04/warez for an article on warez
  through the usenet.  Who the hell are Inner Circle?  Even us Pakis don't
  know what world these people are living in, cause they sure aren't part of
  this scene.  Read the part about id software in there, according to agony
  of HBD, they are building a court case against him.  He swears many times
  (in the direction of Mecca too!) that he is not the same guy they want. Boy
  we just "love" what the media does for the scene.

- Rumor has it Dogfriend of Class has learned how to do trainers.  We'll wait
  and see what happens, though it will tickle our turbans if the word is
  true.

- Ach! Ach! My camel...ohhhhh agggggghhh it has spit in my eye agggggggggghhh!
  All because we have been telling it that Reality Check Network (RCN) is
  once again active.  Not only does this worthless rag report half truths,
  outright lies, and other worthless trash, it helps our friends at the
  American FBI gain much info they shouldn't be having.  To top it off these
  camel scrotums used the Paki Report with NO PERMISSION in their latest  
  issue.  If we Pakis see another issue of our beloved report appear
  in there, we will declare jihaad on Rebel Chicken and his tribe!

- There is a rumor spreading around that Razor has suppliers.  We just want to
  squelch it here before it spreads further.  Someone should stop spreading
  these vicious kinds of rumors which are founded on absolutely no proof.

- Night Vision of Paradigm has made the move to Class.  We are pleased to
  learn he is of Bedouin descent, as he exhibits nomadic tendencies.

- The Humble Guys have "reformed."  Unfortunately, much like those damned Jews
  who have stolen our beloved Palestine, they are pretenders!  Amongst their
  ranks we see none of the original THG crackers/suppliers.  Even if they did
  we Pakis question their value nearly 7 years after they had been fully
  active.  As for the current lineup, it's more foul then Punjab after he's
  spent the day begging in Calcutta during a sandstorm.  It features many
  people who fancy themself "oldschool" THG members, such as The Sniper,
  Def-Jam, and Lord Byron, because they were in the group in 1993.  Ancient
  Hindu wisemen will recall that THG released about 3 games in 1993, a pretty
  obvious testament to these people's abilities.  As for Oahawhool, the man
  who claims to have founded THG with Candyman, you can always read about his
  sordid history at  www.dhp.com/~shark/inc64  on our friend Anjed Azif's
  (also known as The Shark) web page.  We Pakis wonder if we can borrow the
  wooden leg he stored cocaine in to smuggle curry across the border!

- One lone goatherder has traveled many miles across the desert to bring us 
  the latest update news on TRSI's comeback.  It seems to be led by Mario of
  TRSI Amiga fame, and Sensi.  As of yet they are still looking for good
  suppliers and by the grace of Allah have had enough sense to wait until they
  are sure they can do a good job before officially starting.  They've
  launched their PC invasion with this month's release of Sentient, and
  promise more to come.

- Hybrid is resurrecting some German Commodore 64 sceners.  Will they be of
  use to a group rapidly losing control of Europe?  The viziers must puzzle
  over the issue and get back to you.

- Great Vishnu protect us, for Reflux is still up to their dirty tricks,   
  putting out as many betas as they can lay hands on (Lost Vikings, City of
  Lost Children, Need for Speed 2, etc).  It seems the legacy of lameness they
  started in ROR has led to their downfall, as their leader Tklp retires
  in disgrace despite his supposed reasons for leaving (See the enclosed
  text TKLPBYE.TXT).  Their acting leader Tai Pan shortly closed doors on
  the whole group (read his reasons in RLX.TXT), and none too soon as a ban
  on RLX had been seriously discussed by the top Sheikhs and Rajahs of the
  ruling clans.  Looking through the books of the old Khoran we can recall
  that a ban on ROR was what caused Tklp to reorganize and bring RLX to life.
  We prayed (5 times a day, every day!) that Allah would strike them down, and
  once again he comes through (unlike that indifferent Christian God!).

- The Pakis do the dance of joy as Ionizer's "The Game Review" seems to be    
  dead, as he has gotten a job or some such nonsense.  Real Pakis beg for a
  living.  Well, we feel his and Pathos' ability to review games to be about
  as good as the dung from our camel's bottom, so we say our cantras to
  Shiva in thanks.

- Grudge of Class has a hot sister.  Word around the tents is Azim the Butcher
  has his eye on her to be his 80th wife.  On a totally unrelated note, he
  promises Win95 trainers shortly, after being one-upped by Irakis, thus
  proving he is as lazy as a Paki.

- THG swears many Razor members will be crossing the desert to join their
  encampment.  We'll just have to wait and see if this pans out...

- Thanks to the wonders of the telegraph, hottest technology in India, we have
  gained some late breaking news that every Paki will wish to hear.  It seems
  Interplay Europe distributed an early version of MDK and has brought shame
  to the Razor clan, as the game they released is but a beta, an unrecognized
  bastard (like us Pakis).  The final will be out shortly with all bugs fixed,
  not to mention a few other nice options like Internet play.

- Animal and Dogfriend of Class are NOT lovers.  Before you are totally
  shocked by this news, please remember..it's just a rumor.


******************************************************************************
 MONTHLY HIGHLIGHTS: Interesting Episodes
******************************************************************************

- Despite fervent swearing by Tklp (as we've come to expect), RLX's Need for
  Speed 2 was proven to be a beta, as one can easily tell from Class's final
  release.  The differences in the two were readily obvious, and the loss of
  face was pretty devestating to Reflux.  The end results you already know
  if you read the rumors section.

- Razor once again flaunts their scorn for the disk limit with a 66 disk    
  release of Comanche 3.  A pity that all they had to do was remove speech to 
  make the game significantly smaller.  We of the Paki clan have decided that
  should a group have the decency to rip these releases to a proper size, they
  will be awarded full credit for the title.  Perhaps someone out there will
  teach them how to rip.

- The Need for Speed 2 "fix" from Snake Eyes deserves some attention.  It
  would seem as Snake Eyes is almost as mean and just as dumb as our charmed
  snakes.  He spits venom at Class in his little info, but just like we did
  to the cobra that killed Ganija last year, we'll take the time to defang
  him.  We may be dumb Pakis, but even we can see that there was no point to
  this "fix."  In regards to the slide show, it's just not there, so WHO CARES
  if it crashes when you click on it, who in their right mind would click on
  it when they are told not to?!  As for the crashing at the options menu,
  we rode our camels hard to pick up this game, and after playing it for many
  cycles of the desert, it has yet to crash, running as smooth as Fatima's
  backside.  As for the movie, it's a tiny logo, and a trivial thing, not
  even worth the time to fix.  So, as the sacred Khoran recommends be done
  in such a case, we drop our diapers and moon Snake Eyes, for proving he
  is about as bright and useful as a Razor member!  May Mohammed pee in your
  slushee nonbeliever!

- People just can't seem to believe the Blood 3D from DTY is final.  The game
  should be in stores shortly for examination, but until then we advise the
  wise Pakis to keep their couscous holes shut.

- The 3D Ultra Minigolf release.  Despite the fact that other groups had the
  game for 2 days, and realized it was too big to properly rip, Paradigm
  puts it out by stripping out 8 holes.  Luckily they realized that this was
  stupid and corrected their own mistake by nuking it on sites and asking
  for forgiveness in their MDK .nfo.  May Allah have mercy, for once they
  did the right thing.

- Lost Vikings 2 from Reflux was (surprise, surprise) a beta.  Class gets
  the points and that's that.

******************************************************************************
 RELEASES: All the info a Paki could ever want
******************************************************************************


    Key: NEW - Unreleased new title
         FIN - Final version
         ADD - Addon/Expansion Disk
         TRN - Trainer
         CHT - Cheat
         FIX - Fix
         DUP - Duplicate, No Credit Given
         BET - Beta
         LAM - Lame : 3DFX/MMX Stuff, Regged Shareware
         CRP - Crap : Lame Program Expansion (Video Addon, etc)
         SHT - Shit : Over the Limit Stuff




   ______  /|  ___   /\______ /\______
  /      \/ | / _ \ /   _____/   _____>1
 /    |_ /  |/  |  \\____  \ \____  \  9
<     | <   /   |   /   |   \/   |   \ 9
 \  _____\_<____|___\_____  /\_____  / 7
+==\/=====================\/====hh!\/==+

______________________________________________________________________________

|Release Name              Company           Status   Size   Points   Bonus  |
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
AH-64 Longbow Gold         Jane's Sims.       NEW!     47       7       -
Asterix and Obelix         Infogrames         NEW!     03       4       2
Battle Sport               Acclaim            NEW!     13       6       1
Battle Sport *Fix*         Acclaim            FIX!     01       0      -2
British Open Golf          Looking Glass      NEW!     50       7
Callahan's Crosstime Sal.  Legend Enter.      NEW!     49       7
Drilling Billy w/ Trainer  Metronome          NEW!     04       6       3
Hexen for Win95            GT Interactive     NEW!     08       6       2
Hoyle Poker                Sierra             NEW!     08       6       2
Lost Vikings 2             Interplay          FIN!     23       7
Need for Speed 2           Electronic Arts    FIN!     35      10
Outlaws                    LucasArts          NEW!     43       8      -2
Red Alert: CounterStrike   Westwood/Virgin    NEW!     34       8       -
Redneck Rampage            Interplay          NEW!     46       8       
Redneck Rampage *Un Fix*   Interplay          FIX!     01       0
Spirou                     Infogrames         NEW!     03       4       2
S. Panthers Camp Disk 2    SSI                ADD!     05       5       2
Three Dirty Dwarves        Segasoft           NEW!     50       7       -
TinTin                     Infogrames         NEW!     03       4       2
Vegas Games for Win95      New World Comp.    NEW!     15       6       1
                                                               ---      ---
                                              SUBTOTAL POINTS 116 BONUS 13
                                                            TOTAL : 129

 QUICK REVIEWS:

 AH-64 Longbow Gold - Helicopter sim for Win95. 75%
 Asterix & Obleix - Platformer that looks like it's from 1992. 30%
 Battle Sport - Lame tank/sport first person mix with bad gfx. 45%
 British Open Golf - What more can you say, same as all golf games.  80%
 Callahan's - Boring point and click comedy adventure. 50%
 Drilling Billy - Nice platform game like BurgerTime. 75%
 Hexen for Win 95 - Another '95 enhanced previously released game. 65%
 Hoyle Poker - Just what it sounds like. 60%
 Lost Vikings - Nice platform game with good gfx/sound.  75%
 N4S2 - The king of PC racing games.  95%
 Outlaws - Western themed Doom clone. 65%
 Red Alert: Counterstrike - Addon for Red Alert (new units etc). 80%
 Redneck - Redneck themed Doom Clone.  Kind of funny.  70%
 SP Camp Disk 2 - More missions/editor for Steel Panthers 2. 50%
 Spirou - Another platform game that looks very retro. 30%
 Three Dirty Dwarves - Pathetic beat'em up game which is 50 disks. 40%
 TinTin - Yet another old looking platformer. 30%
 Vegas Games - Your standard casino with nice gfx & internet play. 70%

ANON PAKI COMMENTS:

 Past Performance - Based upon past performance we'd expect the number one
                    position to be taken by this group who continually 
                    has proven their ability since formation in January.

 Actual Performance:
        
        No major changes or fluctuations from performance occurred from last
month, though there is a little information that we think you'll be interested
in reading.

        Supply Domination - The current team continues to produce the majority
of USA titles, and with Animal & Dogfriend's increased performance this month
the team reigns supreme.  To round out the already good team, Night Vision
joins the bunch, and as most well know, he provides quite a number of big
name titles, so we'll expect to see bigger and better things (like our Paki
dicks...once you go brown you'll never get the erection down).

        Reputation - The reputation suffers somewhat from the need for fixes
for a number of these games, as sometimes the rippers can be dumb as us
camel jockeys, but many of the mistakes are understandable, so they don't
look like camel dung, just sacred cow excrement.  Continued fighting with
other groups continues to be both a blessing and a curse.  While those who
dislike groups such as Razor, PDM, etc rally behind them, others find it an
undesirable quality and shun them (and we Pakis know how it feels be shunned
*sob*).

   _____
  //    \
 |      ||   Azim says: Nice performance from these the servants of evil
  \_/|\_/    even though some of the games were horrible and some required
 (| o O |)   fixes, but then again no other group really gave them any 
  |  |  |    competition with the store pickups. Hope next month will be
  (_---_)    more exciting. Really good performance though, but as I said
   |___|     noone is giving them any competition, it will also be
             interesting to see what they can do AFTER school has closed.

 Predicted Performance - They'll take the number one spot again next month
                         unless a magical new force does something about it.

_____ _____  ____ _____  ________________
\_   | \   \/   / _   /__\_   \_/   _    \
 |   _  \_  \ _/  \   \ __/___/ |   /    /
 |___|   |____|___/   /_\   \___|_______/
  ::d|___|::::::.\___/.:.\___\::::::::::

______________________________________________________________________________
|Release Name              Company           Status   Size   Points   Bonus  |
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 Secret Missions         Microids             NEW!     06       6        2
 Time Warriors           Silmarils            NEW!     25       7
 Wild Ride               Run and Gun          LAM!     04       0         
 X-Wing vs Tie Fighter   LucasArts            NEW!     48      10  
                                                               ---      ---
                                              SUBTOTAL POINTS  23  BONUS 2
                                                            TOTAL : 25

 QUICK REVIEWS:

 Secret Missions - Drab point and click adventure.  60%
 Time Warriors - Nice Soul Edge clone (3d fighting).  80%
 Wild Ride - Crappy arcade style surfing game.  40%
 X-Wing - Sequel to one of the most popular flight sims of all time.  100%

 ANON PAKI COMMENTS:

 Past Performance - This group has dominated Europe for the past several
                    months, but was unable to have any success in the USA.
                    Recently they've been rather dead as well, as certain
                    key suppliers have been preoccupied, and the number of
                    European releases has dwindled.

 Actual Performance : 

        Well quite a few changes have been made in Hybrid this month,       
 including several American members whom you'll remember us stating as
 worthless last month.  Apparently Hoson realizes he was a Paki for bringing
 them in in the first place.  Perhps they'll find a home in some other
 group, but we'll stake our curry that it won't do them much good.  Aside
 from that nothing much else exciting happened, except for the X-Wing release,
 given to them by TWK, a real life Paki (!) and a true hardcore traveller (he
 got the nickname when he struggled in the desert for 40 years to reach the
 sacred Quik-E-Mart...now THAT's hardcore!).  They've also acquired Milan
 so that Mad Turnip can make use of his help (and his T3 connection).  Not
 a bad move, we expect it will pay off in the future, especially as Milan
 becomes more familiar with supplying.

        European Domination - Once again they retain a somewhat tentative 
grip on overseas titles, and haven't added much of anyone new to the team,
aside from "The Unholy" who was nice enough to give them a piece o' junk
registered shareware game.  Sometimes it makes you wonder, is EVERYONE a
dumb Paki?

        Reputation Factor - Well, well, we have an interesting paradox here. 
While they DID put out X-Wing vs Tie Fighter, one of the biggest titles of
the year, those in the know realize that the supplier isn't even a PC guy,
so while the average gamer has greatly increased respect for Hybrid, the
major players don't really see it as anything special.  Yeah, yeah next time
we'll tell someone who cares.  Oh and don't forget Wild Ride, it certainly
brings the Pakis respect for them down (you know you're pretty bad when PAKIS
don't respect you), especially since it continues an interesting trend.  It
seems HBD will take in anyone who gives them one game, as this has happened
many times before.  The most amusing part is these people who give them one
game then disappear always give them shitty games.  This is, in some respects,
a good thing though, because Apu has a copy of Championship Manager '93 he
thinks he can use to get into the group, and we wish him luck!

        Big Mouth Factor - Shiva has answered our prayers, as this month they
do an excellent job of keeping their mouths shut and letting releases do
the talking.  Salam Europakis, we're impressed.

   _____
  //    \
 |      ||   Azim says: Boring month apart from XvT, which was a fantastic
  \_/|\_/    release. There simply weren't that many games coming out in
 (| o O |)   Europe in the month of April. Next month things should be 
  |  |  |    better though since alot of things are due for release. And
  (_---_)    just as CLASS with the store pickups, noone is really giving
   |___|     these guys any competition with the european games. Expect
             more next month as there will be plenty for everyone.


 Predicted Performance - Typically coming in as the #2 contender, due to the
                         smaller number of European releases, it's expected
                         they will retain this slot in May, continuing to
                         produce only European titles.


                    
        ۲ݲ    
 ۲ 
 ޲ ۲     
       
 ۲ ۲ ۲۲ ۲ ۲
 ۲ ۲
                               
                             
                               
______________________________________________________________________________
|Release Name              Company           Status   Size   Points   Bonus  |
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
3D Ultra Minigolf          Sierra             CRP!     50       0
FA18 Hornet 3.0            Graphic Sims       NEW!     07       6        2
MDK                        Playmates          FIN!     42       9        
Reloaded                   Gremlin            NEW!     15       7        1
Ten Pin Alley              American Softworx  NEW!     23       6
UEFA Champions League 97   Krisalis           NEW!     15       6        1
                                                               ---      ---
                                              SUBTOTAL POINTS  34  BONUS 4
                                                            TOTAL : 38

 QUICK REVIEWS:

 FA18 - Another flight sim, for 7 disks not too bad.  80% 
 MDK - Cool action game with nice gfx and some nice new concepts.  95%
 Reloaded - Shitty converstion of the PSX overhead Gauntlet style shooter. 40%
 Ten Pin - Cool arcade style bowling game ported from PSX.  75%
 UEFA - Soccer game with simplistic gfx and ok gameplay.  65%

 ANON PAKI COMMENTS:

 Past Performance - While they have gotten some nice titles in the past, their
                    lack of motivation/skill has relegated this group to the
                    lesser ranks.  Combine it with a holier than thou
                    attitude (us Pakis sometimes feel the same way...jihad!)
                    and a blatant disregard for the disk limit, and you've
                    got a paradigm of how not to run a group.

 Actual Performance : 
 
        Their performance was certainly better this month than it was in
April, but it's easy to see why, and no major changes have occured in group
membership or structure.

        Supply Lack - Once again they are limited to German titles and stuff 
from a select few American companies using certain methods.  We knew both
American Softworks and Playmates fell for these methods, so no big surprise
here, these two companies just happened to put out a few things at the same
time.  As for the German stuff, same thing, a few more titles happened to
come out in Germany.  The loss of Night Vision, while not that big a deal,
certainly will prove to be a thorn in their side.  On a good note, they
show a little direct order power as Marbitoz snags a nice title.  He promises
more and we think unlike most of these guys (and the Pakistani mail service)
he might just deliver.

        Cracking Lack - Well, they've acquired Id Mud, a good cracker, and
he did a few titles for them this month, but much like Holy Beast (and our
camel Sanjed, who threw his rider during the Bombay Derby) we don't feel
he will be winning any races.  They'll need some better camel jockeys if they
want to compete successfully.
        
        Reputation Factor - Well the attitudes haven't changed, perhaps even
gotten worse, as we see in the NoClass releases from Snoop, Menion, and Zeus.
They were provoked of course, but hey, just like the Crusades, we'll take any
excuse to maul some Western dogs! This of course counts against them as no one
wants to work for a bunch of Pakis (now you know why we have our whole
families working one tiny food stand at the mall).  They have improved
functionability this month, however, as none of the games apparently need
fixes, and this certainly is something they should be accredited for, and
it helps tidy their image up a bit.

   _____
  //    \
 |      ||   Azim says: This group combines a bit from both the States aswell
  \_/|\_/    as Europe to round the month off with a handful of releases.
 (| o O |)   Nothing spectacular even though some of the titles are worth
  |  |  |    mentioning (Reloaded, Theme Hospital, MDK US Final etc). They
  (_---_)    also made a horrible show on that Minigolf thing that they
   |___|     even wanted nuked themselves. Expect the same result next month.


 Predicted Performance - Figure out how many games are coming from Germany in
                         May, add it to how many games there will be from
                         American Softworks, Empire, Playmates, and Atlantean,
                         and you'll have a good estimate of what their
                         performance will be.  We'll share with you the other
                         companies Zeus's methods work on when we can
                         remember them...our turbans must be on too tight
                         right now or something.

 _______  ________  ____________     __
\____   \/  \__   \/  _ \____   \ __/  \____
 / _/  _/    \/   /   /  / _/  _// / / / / /
/  \   \  /\ /   /\  /  /  \   \/ /\  / / /
\__/\   \/RTX______\___/\__/\   \/ / /_/_/
=====\___)===\__)============\___)=\/=======
______________________________________________________________________________
|Release Name              Company           Status   Size   Points   Bonus  |
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Commanche 3              NovaLogic            SHT!     66      -20    OUCH!
Sand Warriors            Gremlin              NEW!     23       6
                                                               ---      ---
                                              SUBTOTAL POINTS  -14 BONUS 0
                                                            TOTAL : -14
 
 QUICK REVIEWS:

 Sand Warriors - Ok flight sim, graphics are standard, gameplay average.  75%

 ANON PAKI COMMENTS:

 Past Performance - Despite claims of glory, the once great group has been in
                    a steady decline for the past year, putting out small
                    numbers of titles, though they are good ones.

 Actual Performance :

        Another slow month.  Believe it or not, there's been no apparent
changes to supply or cracking teams, so we'll let brother Azim, who's actually
in Razor, give you his take on it.

   _____
  //    \
 |      ||   Azim says: Last but not least, Razor 1911. A very slow month
  \_/|\_/    for the "GODS" (the worst for them in a very long time). What
 (| o O |)   were the key factors to this setback then? Well, lack of 
  |  |  |    motivation among some members and lack of power with the US
  (_---_)    store pickups. They managed to get away with a game from Hybrid
   |___|     though and that is worth noting I guess. What speaks "for"
             Razor then? Well, the fact that things cant simply get worse,
             sure Comanche 3 was a nice release and so was Sand Warriors
             but its not enough to keep a group of this calibre going in
             the long run. Expect them to do alot better next month.


 Predicted Performance - Yet another slow month, in which a few more betas
                         and over the limit releases will appear.

________________________________________ ____
\_____ \_____ \__ _____ |_____  i   |   i   |
 |  _____/ _____/   __| l   _/  l   |   l   |
_|  _   \   i   |   |   l   |   l   |-     -|
\   i    \  l   |   |   |   |_  l   |   |   |
.\__l     \_____|___|________/______|___|   |
:::.|_____/.::::::::::::::::::::li<ACiD>|___|

______________________________________________________________________________
|Release Name              Company           Status   Size   Points   Bonus  |
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Need for Speed 2         Electronic Arts      BET!     47       1
                                                               ---      ---
                                              SUBTOTAL POINTS   1  BONUS 0
                                                            TOTAL : 1

They are dead.  Figure out their performance for yourself.

   _____
  //    \
 |      ||   Azim says: This group was just plain lame, not much to say.
  \_/|\_/    In the end when all the pieces in the puzzle were coming 
 (| o O |)   together it was pretty obvious they were still doing what they
  |  |  |    had promised NOT TO DO after the ROR ban (ie: releasing dupes/
  (_---_)    betas and cheating and calling BETA's "finals" etc. eg NFS2)
   |___|     I dont think anyone will miss these people except themselves.

******************************************************************************
GRAND TOTALS
******************************************************************************


This Month's Totals               Previous Rankings
-------------------               -----------------

1. Class - 129 points             1. Class
2. Paradigm - 34 points           2. Hybrid
3. Hybrid - 25 points             3. Celebre
4. Reflux - 1 point               4. Razor
5. Razor - -14 points             5. Paradigm

Current Records (Since March '97)
---------------
Points - 129 (Class)
# Of Releases in 1 Month - 18 (Class)
Total # Of Releases - 34 (Class)

SUMMARY: Ah much better, finally a month with a good steady supply of games
         coming in, and many good titles have become available for us to
         play when we're not out roaming the streets hawking cheap pottery.
         A few positions changed in regards to group rankings, so obviously
         some people have been more active and others not.  We see Reflux
         drop out of the competition (Allah be praised) and expect to
         see who the new 5th contender will be next month.  The flow of games
         should reach it's peak next month and then begin to peter out until
         the holiday season, so expect to see a big report next time.

           Just so you know, the Pakis might hang up their turbans to make
         the report more respectable for a friend.  If, however, this brings
         a tear to your dusty brown faces, there might still be hope.  Do you
         want to see less jokes and just get the solid information?  Or do
         you prefer the solid information with a good helping of old fashioned
         American stereotyping!  Email    thepakis@hotmail.com and be sure
         to tell us what you think.  As always, we defer to the judgement of
         the white man who always knows what's best for us!

This is Achmed, Apu, Amer, Azim, Azif, Achmed, Anwar, Abdul, and Punjab
signing off.  Catch us next month and always remember...
THE ONES WHO SAY "QUALITY NOT QUANTITY" ARE *ALWAYS* THE LOSING ONES!

Greets: Zila and his bunch of Arab playahs - Who the biggest Gs in New Delhi
        now?  We thought so!  That famous Paki (we know what you're thinking
        but surely there is one somewhere).  Mujibar "Scarface" Patel - Hell 
        yeah beotch, the cops ain't got shit baby word is bond you'll be a
        free Paki again.  Gamisha - Bitch, I ain't the fatha of yo 57 kids!
        Sally Struthers - Why you gotta be talkin trash cryin on TV, 30 cents
        a day might feed some ratty ass kid but it don't buy no endo.  Mad
        Turnip - Yeah boooooooy.  You da man.  Thanks for showin everybody
        that someone on this Earth is lower than us Pakis!

Be sure to watch "Towelhead and Captain Rahib: Defenders of Islamic Justice"
daily on WPKI Channel 1, Pakistan's only station!

******************************************************************************
        
        Let's face it, a lot of games come out, and like Pakistan's population
of beggars they're really big.  You want reviews, so you can get a glimpse of
the game before you spend 30 hours downloading it or waiting 7 years for it to
arrive via camel.  Yes, you want reviews, but you're sick of Ionizer's 
incompetence and Pathos's prattle.  Us Pakis have prayed to Mecca, and by
the grace of Allah, we have your answer...

                               THE REVIEWERS GUILD
                                      [TRG]

            * Reviews for every game, within 12 hours of release
            * Full color screen shots in every review
            * Multiple Opinions to help give better perspective
            * Competent and informative reviews 
            * Wit and wisdom approved by our team of Paki experts
            * Friendly reviewers share information and tips

               FOR MORE INFORMATION JOIN #TRG ON IRC EFNET
                    OR CHECK OUT    WWW.TRGUILD.COM
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