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             $$            s$         s$
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    $$  $$ $$     $$  $$ $$  $$  $$ $$  $$ $$  $$ $$  $$ $$  $$
   $$  $$ $$         $$ $$  $$  $$ $$  $$     $$ $$  $$ $$  $$
  $$$$ $$     .s$$$$ $$$ $$  $$ $$  $$ .s$$$$ $$  $$ $$  $$
 $$     $$     $$  $$ $$  $$  $$ $$  $$ $$  $$ $$  $$ $$  $$
`$$ `$   `$$ $$  `$$$$ $$  $$ `$$ $$  $$ `$$
------------------- $$ ---- $$ -------------------------------
  isSUE2           `  `$$    nO FAME - nO SHAME
--------------------------------------------------------------

iNiTiAL WARNiNG!!:- This mag suck! If you like it your stupid!

EDiTORiAL                    by Mohammed Napolon, main editor
--------------------------------------------------------------
eL aFGHANO  is the first e-mag  from Afghanistan!  We are very
proud  of it. This is already the  second issue. I think it is
even  bigger  and better than  the first. First internal news:
We've  thrown out Afghanbashi from the staff bcuz he sucks, he
inserted spelling errors in my K3WL articles deliberately. But
we  still allow him to write  articles. You ask who translates
articles  to  English now? It's our  new  member of the staff,
pedro!  He  was born in the year  2121 in some poor country by
the west coast of Eurasia. At the age of 9, he left it for the
east in order to search for gold there and become rich. At the
age  of  11, he met the yeti  and  got almost eaten up by him.
Luckily  a  guy from Tibet was  on a walk through the Himalaya
for  recreation and saved him. For three years, pedro lived in
Tibet  and fought for the independence from the cat-eaters. In
the  end he won against the evil cat-eater troops and suddenly
the  people  in Tibet saw their new  dalai lama in him, but he
was  bored with his religious  and political duties and headed
north-west  for more adventures. He passed the little frontier
to  Afghanistan and headed south for  Nuristan, where all of a
sudden  a  great wind occured and  took him back a hundred and
twenty-one years ago... eh, actually it didn't, because it did
not  reach  the speed of light as  pedro has just told me, but
who  cares,  in  some  way or  another  he's  reached the year
2000...  oh, actually we're in the  year 1400 or so, I forgot,
forgive me, one and only! Oh please don't be upset at me! I'll
send  you special holy words as a compensation! almanuska tera
sumaletiskonejsne  nam  asperimatura num  solmi  semnak som na
skaru  terje  num sedumene ale  mane menuhinskom OK?? Hope so,
hope  so!  Anyway,  you find  this  story neither credible nor
incredible, do you? Right, it's plain childish! So let me tell
you the truth, I've learned English. That's why I now write my
name Mohammed Napolon instead of Mohammed Napolen because it
shows  that I've forgotten my  frog-eater knowledge and am now
an expert at BSE-eater langua instead. unnamayadeliriabelsikum
Ah  yeah  by the way: IF YOU  ARE READING THIS MAG WITH A TEXT
VIEWER  THAT DOES NOT USE THE HOLY AFGHANE COLOURS (BLACK, RED
AND  GREEN),  STOP RIGHT NOW! YOU  ARE MAKING OUR ONE AND ONLY
UPSET! sonomajostersniskusimnejskomatinobenjenapetimbesomsnism
I  s'pose now only worthy readers  are still there? Good! Then
let's go!

THE NEW DESiGN OF eL aFGHANO           by Arturo Ui, co editor
--------------------------------------------------------------
As  you  see  eL aFGHANO has  been  redesigned!  What  are the
changes?  First  of  all stupid  aFGHANO  logo  by very stupid
Afghanbashi has been replaced by a new one! OK it looks pretty
close  but  it  ain't the same now  is  it? Rite, so you can't
blame us for ripping nething! Second you see my articles AIN'T
ALL  UPPER  CASE AND FULL OF  SPELLING  ERRORS ANYMORE THIS IS
BECAUSE  MOHAMMED  NOW PROOFREADS MY  ARTICLES WHICH HE CAN DO
BECAUSE  HE  HAS  LEARNT ENGLISH;  BUT  UNFORTUNATELY HES VERY
SLOPPY  AND SO DOESN'T ALWAYS  DO THAT!!!!! ANYWAY MY ARTICLES
SHOULD  BE  MORE  DIgestible  now.  Eh,  actually,  if I think
correctly,  I  haven't  written any  article  yet... just some
really  stupid  comments  on  ascii  graphix  in  the  last eL
aFGHANO... oh well youll see more in diz issua. sirmenkosumnim

CORRECTiONS                  by Mohammed Napolon, main editor
--------------------------------------------------------------
There  were  quite a few mistakes  in eL aFGHANO #1! First, we
forgot  to  credit Abu Gaza  for  his pashtuna langua article.
Sorry  Abu! Hope you'll write  another article for aFGHANO one
day  nevertheless! Second somehow my  name doesn't appear near
the  article  "The Fate Of  The  World" although you shouldn't
have  any doubt about that I, I,  I have written it! (Fuck why
ain't  there  bold text in  ascii....) Finally there were many
spelling  errors...  but  who  cares...  and  fifth,  eh, I've
forgottan it. But who cares... The Taliban still liked our mag
and that's all that counts. sirmenjekosnibutimnasomnerutenkeme
Ah  yes, what else I wanted  to say is, our disclaimer sucked!
Of course everything here in eL aFGHANO is DEAD SERIOUS and if
you  don't  take it seriously or  don't like it bcuz you think
it's  too unserious for a serious e-mag you're stupid! (If you
like it then you're too but who cares...) lemniskensjesnospite

CHARTS!!!                    by Mohammed Napolon, main editor
--------------------------------------------------------------
You  know,  we want to be a  respectable  e-mag! Our aim is to
kick Hugi's and Imphobia's butt! So like any respectable e-mag
we  need a charts corner! Please,  please, please take part in
thijs!  You just have to fill in the few lines in fillmein.txt
and  send the file to me (unless you are VERY stupid, you know
how to reach me, don't you?). Please! Please! Please! Deadline
is the end of ramadam 2ooo. The first preresults of the charts
will  be presented in eL aFGHANO #3.  We count with your help!
We know you won't disappoint us! sumasnijoskousnepoteminemesne

SOME WORDS FROM AFGHANBASHi       by Afghanbashi, the expelled
--------------------------------------------------------------
First  of all I am very glad  that I am still allowed to write
some  words!  Although  every article  of  mine  is limited to
-CENSORED-  bytes  and its contents  is -CENSORED- too! Well I
hope you won't be too disappointed by this issue of eL aFGHANO
although  I  am not in the staff  any  more. But you know, the
Scripture  says thou shalt not be too voracious if you want to
become  -CENSORED- editor again... oh, my byte limit is almost

LETTERS TO THE EDITOR  by Maestro Monteverdi, foreign minister
--------------------------------------------------------------
You  may  believe  it or not, but  we  have  received a LOT of
feedback on the first issue of our magazine. I therefore think
that  you  can  really  speak of  a  smash-shit  in  the e-mag
scene...  oops, I meant "smash-hit" of course. Sorry, but even
if  some  of you may believe  that  "shit" would be the better
term  for  our  mag indeed, this  was  really a mere typo, not
intention.  I  apologize to Mohammed  Napolon and our one and
only.  I hope that I will not  be thrown out of the staff like
it  was  done to Afghanbashi.  Ah,  you are probably wondering
what  I  am  doing  in this staff  at  all,  since  my name is
completely  unknown  to those of you  who only read issue 1 of
this magazine. Well, I call myself Maestro Monteverdi. I chose
this name because I love the romantic, classic and pre-classic
Italian music. My nick contains the names of two great Italian
composers:  Verdi and Monteverdi. I  seriously think that they
should be a role model for the composers in the computer music
scene.  My  job in the staff  of  this magazine is minister of
foreign  affairs.  That  is, I have  to  deal with readers and
other  magazines. I was chosen for  this job because I am very
polite.  Extraordinarily  polite, compared to  the rest of the
staff  of this magazine. Anyway, I suppose I should begin with
the  feedback  we have received on  issue 1 of our magazine so
far. The best thing, I guess, is to simply list the reactions,
so here we go:
"J'aime  ce  journal beaucoup." -  Jaques Chirac, president of
france (Translation: "I like this mag very much.")
"I  prefer  to spend my time  with El Afghano rather than with
Moni... er, government." - Bill Clinton, president of the usa
"I  noticed that El Afghano is  too hard for me to understand,
so  I  decided  finally  to study  for  my  abitur." - Joschka
Fischer, german minister of foreign affairs
"I  am  looking forward to  Arafat's next kisses. Meanwhile, I
read El Afghano." - Ehud Barak, israeli prime minister
"The  governments  in the EU  are already acting like chickens
although  the fox hasn't even entered their coop because he is
busy  reading  El  Afghano.  I  REALLY  like  El Afghano!!!" -
anonymous worldfamous politician
"After  reading your e-mag, I'd really like to visit you, hand
you  machine  guns  and  pose with  you  for  a  photo!" - Kim
Jong-il,  the  (dead)  president's son  and  de-facto ruler of
north korea
"I suggest exchanging Planet Hollywood stocks for El Afghano!"
- Arnold Schwarzenegger, austro-american actor and politician
"Thank  you  very  much  for  referring  to  me  in  your self
introduction,  Sir Afghanbashi." -  Turkmenbashi, president of
turkmenistan
"Thanks  for  notifying me about your  new  mag. I had already
heard  of  it from Makke, but  it's  always nice to receive an
e-mail  straight  from the horse's  mouth,  i.e. from the main
editor  of  a  mag.  Your  first  issue  had  some interesting
articles.  Actually I didn't give you permission to publish my
e-mail,  but  it  doesn't  matter  because  it  has no private
contents  anyway. Nevertheless in future please ask the sender
before  you  publish  an e-mail. It  will  spare  you a lot of
trouble.  All  in  all I am very  pleased  that  a new mag has
joined our colourful diskmag sky. May it prosper and develop!"
- Adok/Hugi, selfcalled prophet of scene journalism
"wow,  this  is a chance to fresh  up  my afghan! lucky me! at
last!" - snotrag, linguist
"this  is a shitmag! i fear  it will be serious competition to
snl." - Venior/Beans, scenial main editor
"your mag is pathetic" - esa ruoho, great commentator
"shit  with  good articles."  -  psychic symphony, demojournal
main editor

FiRST ARTiCLE                by Mohammed Napolon, main editor
--------------------------------------------------------------
Okej!  Diz  were  the general  chapters  of  every mag... what
nobody  is  interested to read neway.  So,  now lets go to the
articles...  ta articles, thats what  people wanna read. Okej,
diz  is  the first article. Hej,  notice what? Wow, I speak in
the style of eL aFGHANO #1 again. Diz is what I call oltskool.
Okej.  So... well, ya see,  there's a difference. A difference
between  me  write editorial articlez  and real articles... in
editorial  articlez  i  am  politically  ocrrect  and  correct
spelling  and  so  and don't even  write  only nonsense but in
articles  i  do  write only nonsense...  I  dont know what the
cause  of this is but... Hej I know what the cause is! Too few
holy   afghane  words!   So:  alamanapiskamasej  olunimunahej,
numaskomiseludet  aske baska lut, aska  meni sumalet sus pesti
kero sin. Now this is what I, I, I call a good article. aleman

PASHTUNA CORNA                      neske Arturo Ui, co editor
--------------------------------------------------------------
Janamara  putra. Sumaletiskanosne, ake  peka samunim. Seske ko
num  mane saske, num a punna enna tero. Aske mene menuhin, sum
a  num  lut kane sas a  peneske nimuhinem. Restasne ak banuhin
sum  meniate  suski, apel na saru  remelhem num tumka unna ey.
Karu ist nun somatim, sole mane simultinem norasti pedaskisne.
Manesne  kendu  somibedt num as suma  num, ale mane soma litas
unaromti  umsi ne sa karu. Putra somi jel sum nin a mene skane
putim  raste  suma lumni kas  ne banu hinumeje sulatim. Raletu
simulnis, suma karesne situlnitate min gistem samulest.

SECOND ARTiCLE                   by the Afghane Secret Service
--------------------------------------------------------------
We  now  want to present you  the latest world political news.
ASIA  -  Afghanistan  is  the first  country  in  the world to
acknowledge  Chechnia  as an independent  state.  EUROPE - The
European  Union  is  planning  on  making  Portugal  a Spanish
province  because the Portuguese are  incapable of ruling over
themselves.  AFRICA  -  Lybia's  revolutionary  leader Colonel
Muammar  al-Khadafi invited his friend  Romano Prodi to dinner
in  Cairo, which he plans to  have integrated in his empire in
the  meantime.  SOUTH AMERICA - A  triumvirate  of a lawyer, a
military  leader  and  a Red  Indian  ruled  Ecuador for three
hours,  then  they  made  the  former  Vice  President the new
President of Ecuador in order to re-establish a corruptocratic
system.   NORTH  AMERICA  -  The   population  of  Nunavut,  a
territority  of  only  a  bit more  than  a  million of square
kilometers,  is  exploding. Scientists  estimate  that already
20000  men and 50000 polar bears are living there. AUSTRALIA -
Australians   help  East  Timor   rebuild  its  transportation
infrastructure by selling them kangooroos. PACIFIC OCEAN - All
apes in New Zealand have been made New Zealand citiziens. They
enjoy  the  same  rights as  human  New Zealanders. The United
Nations  are  now  planning  on  extending  the  Human  Rights
Declaration   to  all  monkey   worldwide.  ANTARCTICA  -  The
government  of the United Penguins declared war on the rest of
the  world. Italy and Spain have  already been bombed with the
first iceblocks. The Chilean minority in the Antarctic started
a  mass-emigration to their home  country due to unpredictable
Penguin politicians. limnaskanuretisomniejskvotelnannesunnarum

UNOFFiCiAL THiRD ARTiCLE          by Afghanbashi, stupid idiot
--------------------------------------------------------------
We  live in a materialistic world. Actually we should say, the
world  is  materialistic. There is no  world that isn't. In my
definition  of  world  at  least.  So  why  say  we  live in a
materialistic  world. So what  does materialistic mean? Mater,
matris  female  is a word  in -CENSORED- langua [censored bcuz
Sanskrit  is ta only holy langua!] that means mother... oh, my
byte limit is reached soon, although I have just started my ar

OFFiCiAL THiRD ARTiCLE       by Mohammed Napolon, main editor
--------------------------------------------------------------
I  just wanted to say that, eh, the comment in [] brackets was
written  by me, me, me. That's the notes from the editor. Yes,
exactly,  now  ya  know. Okej,  actually  these  were just sum
comments on ta matter above, so lets come to the anganuarasnej

ACTUAL THiRD ARTiCLE         by Mohammed Napolon, main editor
--------------------------------------------------------------
We  do  not want to be an  e-mag like all the other ones. With
fixed  corners,  fixed sections, things  that  appear in every
other  e-mag. You know, I'm  better in editorial articlez than
in  real articles, but who carez, we are perfectionists, no we
ain't,  but,  well, what did I want  ta  say, well, we want to
make it difficult for oursevles, so we do exactly what we find
hard to do. So I won't review other e-mags, as I wanted to do,
bcuz  I  already did that in  the  last issue. I'll explain my
philosophy of e-mags. janmarisulanetiskomneltaskemaneletserune
E-mags  are  made for FUN.  And for worship. Entertainment and
religion.  That's the purposes of  e-mags. Religion because we
have  to satisfy our one and only  in some way or another, and
if there is no another we have to do it in this way, by making
an  e-mag.  Okej. You got this?  Great. Our great one and only
honorizes  written stuph, especially innovative stuph, sumthin
nobody  else  has written yet,  on topics nobody thinks about,
such  as politics. Yeahyeah, you suckers don't care about your
own  politicians  although  diz is  one  of  ta most important
things  in  life bcuz they keep  ta  world going and provide a
base  on  which scientists and  artists can work and consumers
can  enjoy the products of economy. My aim is: make eL aFGHANO
the  platform  of EXTRA-PARLAMENTARY  OPPOSITION  all over the
world.  We  are  open  to  ALL  political  directions  be they
Democrats,   Republicans,  Liberals,  Communists,  Anarchists,
Nihilists,    Greenhorns,    Monarchists,    Orthodox    Jews,
Nationalists,      Separatists,     Apocalyptics,     Despots,
Conservatives,   Socialists,   Patriots,   Social   Democrats,
Islamists,   Christian   Democrats,   Human  Right  Activists,
Independents,  Reformers  and so  on.  Everything from extreme
left  to extreme right is welcome!  We are for true democracy,
just like Gaddaffi. I mean, we're also for it, they who adhere
to  his  theories are welcome to us  too. We also want to be a
platform  of INTRO-PARLAMENTARY OPPOSITION all over the world.
We want to support all political movements, illegal as well as
legal  ones.  Finally  we  also  want  to  be  a  platform  of
GOVERNMENTS.  You can publish all the  news about how you want
to  oppress  your  citizens or do  benefit  to them here. It's
great,  ain't  it?  eL  aFGHANO,  the  first  reall  objective
worldwide medium, made in Afghanistan! Afghanistan will become
world power!! Soon!!! mansilumneskomtinelsumenuhimnaskatsomnej

iMPHOBiA SUX. WHY.                     by Arturo Ui, co editor
--------------------------------------------------------------
Now anotha kewl article on e-mags. Ta first political articles
in  eL aFGHANO. We are too moderate I noticed so lets be a bit
more  extreme. We now completely ignore political correctness!
We  say  that iMPHOBiA sux! iMPHOBiA,  ya ask what diz is? Its
men's  fear of losing their potence! And its also a big e-mag,
2nd  place in da charts. Its very  bad. Its ta first losa. Btw
you  see  my spelling was correctad  by Mohammend so its a BIT
BETTER  YOU SEE ah well i already did write about that. And ya
see  iMPHOBiA  HAS NO SPELLING!  THEIR MAIN EDITORS DONOT know
english!!!  Ah you ask why I flame iMPHOBiA altho its dead and
ya shall say only good things about dead things but in diz cas
we  have to differentiate! iMPHOBiA  is rewly bad! It contents
mUCH  TO MANY ARTICULAS AND IS WAY TO SERIOUS REALLY BAD REWLY
BAD  I DONT LIKE IT and so  it sucks! Only good thing, its got
feeling,  thats  good.  Ah Btw diz  was  ma first ARTICLE BOUT
E-MAGS! IT RULED DIDNT IT!!!!! usamabinladnuskemuneritaskoneme

          LET US CALM DOWN ALL THiS TENSiON.      by Monteverdi, maestro
          --------------------------------------------------------------
          I  have changed the design of  this article a bit to introduce
          some variety into this magazine. I hope that this will relieve
          your  eyes  a bit that would find  it  hard to follow the text
          otherwise,  as they always look on the left side of the screen
          and  never on the right side.  "Always look on the bright side
          of  life!"  Yeah. I am of the  opinion  that Arturo is way too
          radical  with  his judgement of  that magazine. After all, its
          main  editor  and  his team made a  lot  of effort in order to
          support the community of its readers. They were also active in
          politics. They fought against racism. And their magazine was a
          good  example  of  a  way  to  connect  people  from different
          countries,  different  skin-colours,  different religions etc.
          That  is  why I personally like  that magazine. But I will not
          say any more because otherwise Mohammed Napolon will be upset
          with  me,  and eventually our one  and  only god will be upset
          with  me too because I permit others to believe in other gods,
          too.  However,  as this is a  democratic magazine, I hope that
          Mohammed Napolon will not censore this article nevertheless.

TiTLES AND FUCKiNG           by Mohammed Napolon, main editor
--------------------------------------------------------------
How  do  you  see  nowadays  that  someone  is intelligent? In
Afghanistan  you see it by that he is a member of the Taliban.
In Europe where there is socalled democracy it is a bit harder
bcuz  there are many political parties and therefore there are
titles  instead.  You get the title  "doctor" when you wrote a
thesis  and it was said to be god by ta university. Now I have
a  new  idea, why not give  titles for people who have already
fucked.  I mean you need to be intelligent as a man to be able
to  fuck someone, its very hard. So  this could also be made a
class instiction or distinction or how it's called. mamreskana

TELEViSiON iS MY LiFE                  by Arturo Ui, co editor
--------------------------------------------------------------
RIGHT  AND BECOZE I HAVE NONE I HAVE  NO LIFE YOU SEE I Got no
existance  bcuz I'm just a poor 'n  pure Afghane. OK if I were
born in ta USA I'd have a TV but bcuz I wasn't I don't. Ya see
how  unjust THE world is. I  got only asciiart and eL aFGHANO.
This  is  all what I do. Computers  are nice (Btw I don't have
one  MYSELF  BUT I ALWAYZ TYPE  AT Mohammed's place) but TV is
better. AND CARS RULE MOST NEWAY afgaraskulnataramisotelneskej

HEY THIS RULES, ARTURO WROTE   by Afghanbashi, the intelligent
--------------------------------------------------------------
an article in my byte limit... within my byte limit... yipphie
yeay! -CENSORED- lines, thats what is my limit too as you have
probably  noticed  in  the meantime...  By  the  way, Mohammed
Napolon  deliberately -CENSORED- the  contents of my articles
and  inserts -CENSORED- -CENSORED- in them so that it looks as
if  I had neither wit nor worth  nor words and could not spell
either! [You can't anyway, stupid idiot!] I protest against th

SiXTH ARTiCLE                by Mohammed Napolon, main editor
--------------------------------------------------------------
Six   six  six.  666.  Symbol  of  Satan.  That's  what  these
anti-blasphemy  people  say.  I believe  in  our  one and only
anyway and think there is no Satan or whatever, Jupiter, Shiva
or  so.  It is human nature  to  adhere to stupid theories and
demagogues  and  the socalled democrats  like me, me, me, they
are   actually  also  antidemocratic  in  the  rewl  sense  of
democracy  bcuz  we  suppress other  peoples  opinions such as
Afghanbashi's,  but  we know he's wrong  and  so it's okay. My
actual  topic  of  the  article, or  the  actual  topic  of my
article,  is,  well,  the number  six...  Is this actually the
sixth   article??  Let's  count...  UNOFFiCiAL  THiRD  ARTiCLE
OFFiCiAL  THiRD  ARTiCLE ACTUAL THiRD  ARTiCLE...  eh, so five
articles so far.. so ta sixth article was the one tat followed
them...  this  was.. iMPHOBiA SUX.  WHY.  by Arturo Ui! Stupid
man! The sixth article was reserved for me, me, me! Well okay,
so  lets  at least prove him  wrong,  prove his silly theories
about  iMPHOBiA  wrong - its bad but  it aint sux! What sux is
Hugi!  Bcuz  its main editor claims  ta  be prophet and claims
Hugi  is god! Ya know that diz all is very wrong! I don't like
it at all. I'm very upset and our one and only is too. menuhin

VERY SHORT ARTiCLE           by Mohammed Napolon, main editor
--------------------------------------------------------------

COMMENTS                     by Mohammed Napolon, main editor
--------------------------------------------------------------
This  was a very bad article bcuz it contents NO holy Pashtuna
words  so  lets  give them now.  afgha  basha  numa tuma respu
timnes   kanda  harnelu  neskomse  arulenma  namelu  meriskane
asortesnej scenial nerumetes sumaletus naskameru ale manukenhe
kabul  numa mazar lemnistom usna enna nomiretul gay namaristov
nerotim pashta aske num sape laska veritom geranehim asputerom
Now I see that there was one article between first and second!

ASCiiART CORNA                         by Arturo Ui, co editor
--------------------------------------------------------------
       .aaaaaa.       THIS IS MY OWN FACE; DO YOU LIKE IT?????
      aaaaaaaaaa      [Sorry, I didn't want to correct English
     a x aa x a     in this sentence... bcuz this face is so
    oaaaaaaaaaao    silly.  That ta description  has to look
    oaaaa  aaaao    silly too.]
     .aaaaaaaa.
     . .aaaa. .
        aaaa   
         aaaa                 And below, this is my body... it
         `aa                 doesn't suit to my face but I've
                              never said it would.............
      _--------------_
     / _____________  \
    / /   |      |  \  \
    | |   ssssssss   | |
    | |   ssssssss   | |            %$&$%/!)")$"(%&"("!
    `v  .ssssssss.  `v           %$&$%/!)")$"(%&"("!%
         ssssssssss                $&$%/!)")$"(%&"("!$
        .ssssssssss.               &$%/!)")$"(%&"("!&$
        sss      sss               &$%/!)")$"(%&"("!&$%
        sss      sss               $%/!)")$"(%&"("!$%/!
       .sss.    .sss.               /!)")$"(%&"("!%/!)
       .sss.    .sss.
       .sss.    .sss.           This is the box with all my
       sssss    sssss                  asciiart
      $%.o.%$  $%.o.%$
      `-----  `-----

                   ..             ',    ,'
                 ,  `.             `..
               .'.    ,'.            oo
             .   `..   `.         .  .
           .'.    .`.   ,`.        `
         .   `..    `.    `.
        '.    .`.   . `.   ,|        A cow, or a horse?
        | `..    `.     `.  |        No, it's a tiger!
        |. `.   . `.   . .|
        | `:  `.     `.  :  |
        `. `. `.   . . .
          `.  `:  `.  :  .
            `. `. | . .
    A 3d cube `.  `|  .
                `. | .
                  `|

CARS RULE THE WORLD          by Mohammed Napolon, main editor
--------------------------------------------------------------
Cars  pollute our environment, they  make our children unhappy
and  donot  allow us ta breathe  good  air. But Honda and Opel
merged  and  reinstalled monarchy in  the  world. King Opel of
General  Motors  is now ta ruler  of the world. THE WORLD. But
not  Afghanistan. Afghanistan is in a world but not the world,
it's  in  ta third world, it's  another world. We will rule ta
whole  third  whorld soon and soon  after there tha otha eh ta
other... worlds. We are against cars because they like us. num

WHAT iF...                   by Mohammed Napolon, main editor
--------------------------------------------------------------
What  would  happen if: Afghanistan  was a democratic country?
Then  it would rule ta  whole world. Baluchistan existed? Then
all Baluchs from Afghanistan would emigrate to Baluchistan and
we  would have one problem  less. Pakistan joined Bharat? Then
India would have 200 million problems more. Afghanistan didn't
allow  Pakistan  to  join  Bharat?  Then  it  wouldn't happen.
Afghanistan  made Pakistan a new province of Afghanistan? Then
Afghanistan  would  be  even  bigger.  China  declared  war on
Afghanistan?  Then China would lose.  China lost a war against
Afghanistan? Then Afghanistan would reach WORLD DOMiNATiON. ja

TA TRUTH ABOUT MY NAME       by Mohammed Napolon, main editor
--------------------------------------------------------------
Ya  ask  why I'm called how  I'm called. Ta thing is, Napoleon
Bonaparte  didn't die in Saint Helena! Even if you learnt that
at  history class! No! He fleed  to Afghanistan! There he died
but  not without having created a  child! With one of 5 women.
Whom  he  found in Corsistan. And  thats  my great great great
great grand father. So I'm called Napolon! numarestunimetasne

HE IS LYiNG!               by Afghanbashi, knower of the truth
--------------------------------------------------------------
He  is  lying.  he is lying. he  is  lying. he is lying. he is
lying. he is lying. he is lying. he is ling. he is ling. he is
ling.  he  is ling. he is ling. he  is ling. he is ling. he is
ling. he is ling. he is ling. he s ling. he s ling. he s ling.
he  s  ling. he s ling. he s ling.  he s ling. he s ling. he s
ling.  he s ling. he s ling. he  s ling. he s ling. he s ling.
he s ling. he s ling. I ask myself if he'll -CENSORED- this...

PRESiDENTiAL ELECTiONS       by Mohammed Napolon, main editor
--------------------------------------------------------------
I am the son of the son of ... Napoleon and neverthless Chirac
and  Jiang dont treat me as  equals!!! I'm superior to them in
reality!  So  what  I want is,  become  PRESIDENT  of ta e-mag
scene! And bcuz I'm democratic I wanta become it in elections!
If  you fill out ta voteshit you can vote for me. Vote for me!
Vote  for me! Me, me, me! I want to win! If I lose our one and
only will be verryvery upset! So vote for me!!! taskamensejket
Ya  see I'm a perfect democrat! I  allow ya ta vote and I even
allow ta stupid Afghanbashi ta publish his shit altho he sux!

SOCCER, MY FAVOURiTE SPORT!            by Arturo Ui, co editor
--------------------------------------------------------------
Soccer  players  ARE  VERY INTELLIGENT  PERSONS  AND SO I LOVE
soccer  and that's the reaosn why I write an article about it!
They  think Madrid is Milano! They love fighting. THEY HAVE NO
EDUCATION  BUT  THEY ARE NOT ILLITARATE  AS ME AND SO THEy are
better  than  me. I love the  soccer team of Saudi Arabia! Its
best!  Soon  they'll win the EC.  I'm sure they're better than
kraut eater, frog eater, burger eater and BSE eater teams. sum

iTALiAN MUSiC          by Maestro Monteverdi, foreign minister
--------------------------------------------------------------
I  noticed that the articles so far  are all more or less very
short.  I  want to change this  now,  with an article about my
favourite  music,  Italian  music.  Italian  music is European
music, and so its roots are the same as all European music. It
is  rooted in the ancient Greek and the Jewish music. When the
Christian  religion became legal, they  adopted this music for
their  religious services. This was 900 years before our time,
the  Afghane  time.  The new  music  was  called the Gregorian
chant.   It  was  pretty  repetitive  and  unison.  It  mainly
accompanied  sermons, such as dies irae or kyrie. Anyway, this
was  only  the  beginning of  European  and  Italian music. It
developed  with  time. The next music  style was the school of
notre  dame in France, followed by  ars antiqua, ars nova etc.
They  introduced  music  for  several  voices,  using  the old
Gregorian  chants as cantus firmus  and composing new melodies
over  them.  These  melodies  were  often  even  in  different
languages,  which  made the texts quite  hard to follow as you
can imagine. It led to polyphony, with its climax in the dutch
school.  But now let us come to Italy. In Italy, there existed
several  styles of music. You can separate them in two groups.
First  there were pretty simple folk-dances, called villanella
or  frottola.  They had only a  few voices, only one was sung,
the  rest  was  played with  instruments,  and  they were very
enjoyable  to  listen  to and  dance.  Second,  there were the
madrigals.  They  were  very  artistic,  created  by  and  for
aristocrats, and a capella, i.e. only sung, without the use of
any  instrument. This is what I like most. The texts were also
very interesting and artistic, as they were written by some of
the  very  best  poets living  in  that time. Rhythmically and
melodically,  these songs were -  and are, as manuscripts with
these  songs  still exist - very  elaborate,  but also hard to
sing.  Therefore  it was limited  to aristocracy. This did not
change  in later periods of music history. In the baroque age,
the  time  of the great  Monteverdi, there existed folk music,
too,  of course. But the real music, what we call baroque, was
created  exclusively  for aristocrats.  They  employed special
composers  to  make  them. Usually  pieces  of  music, such as
concerti grossi, were performed only once, then discarded. But
many  manuscripts  are  still  existing.  So  we  know most of
Monteverdi's,  Vivaldi's  and their  colleagues'  thousands of
works,  as well as the masterpieces of composers outside Italy
such  as Bach and Handel. Nowadays many people confuse baroque
with  classical  music.  Indeed  baroque  and  classical sound
similar,  but  there are differences.  For  example, a typical
element  of baroque music is the cembalo, which is always used
to  accompany  concerti.  In  classical  music,  by  contrast,
concerti are usually accompanied by the piano. The development
of  Italian  music  had its climax -  in  my  opinion - in the
romantic period. There were many great Italian composers, like
Puccini  and  Verdi. They  especially emphasized on expressing
emotions  with  music in their  operas. Their music was highly
artistic, and still today its sound is unbeaten, to my mind at
least. Today, it is still the young Italian musicians who make
the  most promising works.  I especially recommend Ciccilleju,
he might become a new (Monte)Verdi one day!

THE ROLE OF A BASHi          by Mohammed Napolon, main editor
--------------------------------------------------------------
You  are asking what a bashi is.  You are! I know this! Bcuz I
always  use  diz  words and I  never  explained  it! So let me
explain  it  now.  A bashi is a  leader.  He  is a leader of a
community of eaters of a special animal. For example Chirac is
the  leader of the community of  frog eaters and snail eaters.
Therefore  Chirac  is  frog eater  bashi  and also snail eater
bashi.  Shroder is ta leader of  ta cummonity of kraut eaters.
Therefore  he is kraut eater bashi. Ya see? Jiang is cat eater
bashi,  Clinton  is burger eater  bashi, Kabila is human eater
bashi,  Elizabeth is BSE eater bashi... okej, I see, ya have a
complaint,  I  am confusing heads  of governments and heads of
states.  Well ta solution is easy, both is okej, so, Elizabeth
can be BSE eater bashi and Blair too, there are many bashis of
one  community.  Shroder and Rau  are  both kraut eater bashis
too.  There  are also drinker  bashis. Example, Chirac is vine
drinker   bashi,  Shroder  is  beer   drinker  bashi,  Rau  is
applejuice  drinke  bashi, Blair and  Eli  are whiskey drinker
bashis,  Putin  is vodka drinker  bashi  and soon... There are
smoker  bashis also: Carl Gustaf  is tabaque smoker bashi, Kok
is  weed smoker bashi, Afghanbashi  is opium smoker bashi. Now
ya know what a bashi is! You know! mensewalaskitomneratumareni

iNTERViEW WiTH HiDDENFX      by Mohammed Napolon, main editor
--------------------------------------------------------------
We  now present you an interview  with a person that has never
ever  been interviewed before! Its HiddenFX, ta main editor of
Demon  journal!  Ta interview was made  by Pedro who speaks ta
same  langua like HiddenFX, but I told Pedro what questions ta
ask so you can say it was made by me! So I get credits for it!
eL aFGHANO: Hello HiDDENFX, we want to interview you today. Ya
know, all interviews start with a very boring question. I mean
all interviews with e-mag makers. The very boring question is,
what's your name? where do ya live? how long is yar beard? are
ya happy with yar life? In other words, introduce yourself! (I
know this will be more than half of the complete interview but
who cares.)
HiDDENFX: hello, i am the alter ego of the demojournal editor.
i make demonjournal. demonjournal is a great magazine released
every  week. it is of very high quality articles. all articles
deal with the demons that live in my alter egos head. he calls
this a therapy, because this will contribute to his pursuit of
happiness in his life which is his ultimate goal of course, to
become  a  normal  sane  man. i  live  in  eurasia, a very big
continent consisting of europe and asia. afghanistan is also a
part  of this continent so you know what it looks like. i have
no  beard  because  i have not  entered  puberty yet. about my
life,  i just want to quote what  my alter ego says: "life sux
and then you die."
eL  aFGHANO: We think life is good and you will not die if you
make  a good e-mag like we do! Anyway! Next question! Actually
your  answer  to this one was very  short and I am a bit upset
about that because, erm, it is harder to make a long interview
now,  and  if it was meant to  be longer than the rest of this
interview  the interview will be very  short and so it will be
of little quality because quality is what our readers want and
quality,  erm,  quality  means long  articles!  But maybe this
interview  will become interesting all ta same, so lets try to
get  on... Eh... I have no  idea what ta ask... Boomboom... Ah
yes why do ya make demonournal?
HiDDENFX:  i  am of the opinion  that it is very important for
the health of my spirit!
eL  aFGHANO: A short answer... but  when I consider it rightly
ya actually already answered it neway! But nevertheless I have
to find another question, otherwise this interview will be too
short  and our readers won't like it!  Ah what do I care about
readers,  I am not interested in their comments... Ahh what do
YOU think about eL aFGHANO??
HiDDENFX:  i have not read it to  day, sorry, but i am sure it
sux.
eL aFGHANO: Why?
HiDDENFX:  because your intellect seems to be similar to mine,
in other words, the quality of your magazine seems to be about
the  same  as mine. i know that  the  iq of the main editor is
always resembled in the mag.
eL  aFGHANO:  Thank  you. Ya know,  Arturo  Ui is ta real main
editor of eL aFGHANO, according to ta credits in eL aFGHANO 1.
HiDDENFX: arturo? is he spanish?
eL aFGHANO: No, he's Afghane.
HiDDENFX: but arturo is a spanish name!
eL aFGHANO: And "el afghano" is also the Spanish word for "the
afghane".  We  are  cosmopolitans,  we  like  Spain.  Ya know,
Portugal is gonna become a Spanish province soon.
HiDDENFX: really? then i better emigrate to afghanistan.
eL aFGHANO: Right, there you can pursue your happiness better.
We have many demons in our country, ya know. Ya could become a
soldier  in  one of our many  armies  who are fighting against
eachother and see the sense of life.
HiDDENFX: thank you for this sug, i'll move at once.
Later  Hiddenfx  told us a secret  with the beg that we should
not publish it. We ignore this and publish it nevertheless.
HiDDENFX: don't tell anyone, but i'm an alien!!!

SPECIAL VERY iMPORTANT NEWS FROM NORTH KOREA!    by the A.S.S.
--------------------------------------------------------------
Kim  Jong-il visited the 68th socialist sewer brigade in order
to  inform  himself  about  their  productivity.  He  was very
pleased  to see their latest achievements, such as a 2qm gully
with  10  crocodiles.  The  crocodiles  were  a  present  from
crocodile  dundee, bashi of the  communist party of australia.
To  reward them for their  great contributions to the glorious
North Koreanian nation, he proudly presented each of them with
a machine gun and posed with them for a photo. lustemonaskumet

THE iMPORTANCE OF DEMONS     by Mohammed Napolon, main editor
--------------------------------------------------------------
You  ask why we have so many demons in Afghanistan. You should
bettrer   ask   what  a  demon  is!   A  demon  is  short  for
demonstration!  And  we have many  of  them in Afghanistan! We
demonstrate  our power, our diligence,  our honour, our pride,
our  strength,  our energy,  our endurance, our perserverance,
our   obediency,   our   intelligence,   our   knowledge,  our
excellence, our authority, our superiority, our arrogance, our
discipline,  our  strategy, our belief,  our ... eh, our great
achievements  in  the e-mags business!  But  we also have real
demons  like you people from western countries know from their
fairy  tales and sagas and legends  and so on. They are called
Mohammed  Napolon, Arturo Ui, Afghanbashi  and Pedro S. Yeah.
We  are  demons. We are no  humans. We are demons. Exactly. We
are  the greatest form of life on this planet. We are Afghane.
diovyratenalprenniluosymsehcuoutniapymseveirgniardicaekilsnrub
By ta way: The line above's NOT pashtuna langua! But its holy.

AN ATTEMPT TO WRiTE A LONG     by Afghanbashi, the hyper brain
--------------------------------------------------------------
story without having to care about this byte limit is this. It
is  very simple, I'll start my story in this article and go on
in  my  next  article (hope Mohammed  will  publish it and not
-CENSORED-  it)  [I  don't like  Afghanbashi  talking about me
censoring  nething  because  this  would  harm  my  image as a
perfect  democratic man and so I  censor it every time he uses
the  word "to censor" or any form of it]. I am very optimistic

WiLL WORK OUT AND iN THiS WAY i WiLL BE ABLE TO by Afghanbashi
--------------------------------------------------------------
write  a very long story. Actually I  do not know what kind of
story  I  want  to write... [But I  do!  haha] Ah okay, an old
fairytale of Nuristan. In Nuristan, there were the old Greeks.
They  came  by  and  settled  when  they  were passing through
central  Asia  with Alexander the  Great  of Macedonia. They..
they  were very tough and so  they could endure the great heat
and the lack of natural resources in the Afghane mountains and

HiGHLANDS. AND THEY WERE VERY DiLiGENT AND      by Afghanbashi
--------------------------------------------------------------
-CENSORED- and -CENSORED- and -CENSORED-. [I don't want him to
praise  ta Greeks! Only the Pashtuna  are worth to be praised!
Ta  pashtuna are the lords of Afghanistan not ta stupid Greeks
and  Nuristans!]  But they did not  develop  that much, I mean
they  developed but not more than the rest of Afghanistan. But
nevertheless  Afghanistan is a rich stable democratic country,
and as you see we are able to make very good e-mags. END OF ST

HiGHLANDS. AND THEY WERE VERY DiLiGENT AND      by Afghanbashi
--------------------------------------------------------------
-CENSORED- and -CENSORED- and -CENSORED-. [I don't want him to
praise  ta Greeks! Only the Pashtuna  are worth to be praised!
Ta  pashtuna are the lords of Afghanistan not ta stupid Greeks
and  Nuristans!]  But they did not  develop  that much, I mean
they  developed but not more than the rest of Afghanistan. But
nevertheless  Afghanistan is a rich stable democratic country,
and as you see we are able to make very good e-mags. END OF ST

HiGHLANDS. AND THEY WERE VERY DiLiGENT AND      by Afghanbashi
--------------------------------------------------------------
-CENSORED- and -CENSORED- and -CENSORED-. [I don't want him to
praise  ta Greeks! Only the Pashtuna  are worth to be praised!
Ta  pashtuna are the lords of Afghanistan not ta stupid Greeks
and  Nuristans!]  But they did not  develop  that much, I mean
they  developed but not more than the rest of Afghanistan. But
nevertheless  Afghanistan is a rich stable democratic country,
and as you see we are able to make very good e-mags. END OF ST

COMMENTS TO THAT STORY       by Mohammed Napolon, main editor
--------------------------------------------------------------
Ya  see, I pasted ta end of ta story in several times. For one
reason,  that ya see how much it sucks and that Afghanbashi is
making  our  one  and only upset  by  praise  the wrong ethnic
group. Har har. Ya see I'm very democratic and generous that I
published  his  articles and that I  even  published them in a
row!  Imagine  I  published  these  articles  in  wrong  order
scattered  all  over eL aFGHANO! Then  you'd laugh at him even
more would you? You see, I'm right. azramskinesputimnosperatum

REViEW: THIS E-MAG 1   by Maestro Monteverdi, foreign minister
--------------------------------------------------------------
As readers of issue 1 of this magazine might know, my name did
not  appear  in it. Indeed I was  not a member of the staff of
this  magazine  in  that time. Therefore  I  feel  that I am a
person  who can give a rather neutral statement on that issue.
I  will  review issue 1 of  this  magazine and compare it with
this  issue,  so  that  we can  see  how  much it has improved
meanwhile.  First and most importantly,  I found the design of
the  first  issue more than  annoying. The holy pashtuna words
were not only written at the end of articles but everywhere in
the text. As a consequence, some texts were very hard to read.
Furthermore,  the texts were centered.  At least most of them,
as  the layout was pretty  inconsistent. By centering texts, a
lot of space was wasted, because if they were left bound, they
would  occupy  less  - very logical,  I  think.  I removed all
unnecessary  spaces (ascii 32 characters) from issue 1 of this
magazine  as  an experiment. The  result: From 58560 bytes the
file  size  could  be  shrinked  to  52267  bytes.  This  is a
difference  of  about  6  kbyte, the  size  of  a  pretty long
article,  an  article  that  could  contain  very  interesting
information,  very  recent news  or  very entertaining humour.
Unfortunately  Mohammed  Napolon did not  agree to my idea of
removing  all  unnecessary spaces. He  said  that it would not
make  much  difference. I do not  think  so, because there are
certainly  readers  who  have a 9600  bps  modem, like us. For
them,  it would make a lot of  diffeent. In the end we found a
compromise:  Although  spaces are still  inserted  to create a
block  layout,  texts  are no longer  centered.  A  lot of the
superfluous  spaces have been removed in this way. You may ask
why  I actually criticize this  matter, because I myself added
additional spaces in my article in which I defended a magazine
which  Arturo  Ui  critcized very hard.  Well,  I  did it only
because  I  wanted  to mark my  article  by aligning it to the
right,  because  I thought that my  article  should also be an
optical  contrast to Arturo Ui's statement.  It was not a long
article,  so  I did not really  waste a lot of space. However,
space is wasted by articles of rather trivial content, such as
the  short  articles on soccer and  sex  in this issue of this
magazine.  In issue 1, on the other hand, there were even more
articles   of  trivial  content.  Only  think  of  the  stupid
declaration  of Afghane world domination! Moreover, there were
many "link" texts, texts between articles which would not have
had to be published in my opinion. But maybe exactly that is a
special feature of the flair of this magazine: the editors who
quarrel  with each other, comment on each other's articles and
do  not really take anything  seriously. I hope, however, that
nobody  felt offended by issue 1  of this magazine, nor by the
very  issue  you are reading now.  As I said, this magazine is
really  not to be taken seriously at all. Maybe apart from the
voluntary  and involuntary contributions  of our readers, such
as the e-mail of Adok's which we published in issue 1. Talking
about  which,  I  also  want  to  apologize  for  that  it was
published  without his permission, although  I am actually not
to apologize because I was not a member of the staff when this
happened. I, however, hope that something like this will never
be repeated in the hopefully glorious future of this magazine.

POLiTiCiAL PARTiES REViEWED  by Mohammed Napolon, main editor
--------------------------------------------------------------
This  is  a  new series in which  I  want  to introduce to you
various  political movements, of any couleur, from any part of
this  planet, from any of the  three worlds, no matter if they
agree  to my opinion! The first  party is... lets think a bit.
We should start left and move forward right, right? So, what's
the  most  left party? ...  Communist?  No. Anarchists. Right,
today I'm goin' ta talk about the Anarchist Party of Papua New
Guinea.  What is their aim? Their aim is to destroy the system
in  their country, and in the future in the whole third world,
and  in the end in the whole planet, so all three worlds (also
called:  the big world). They want no order, no law, no rules,
no  ethical  codes, no moral  codes,  simply freedom, absolute
freedom, without natural limits even, that men can do whatever
they want. I doubt that this will work out but who cares. They
have  no  bashi  bcuz they think  that  bashis  suck and there
should   be  no  bashis  in  this  world.  By  this  they  are
contradicting  themselves  a bit bcuz diz  even  is a rule and
they  don't want no rule but  whose cares. They are suppressed
by the police neway so they most likely won't become in power.
But  as we are the  platform for extra parlamentary opposition
internationally  we  have  to report  about  them too. Well, I
think enough bytes were wasted on diz topic. munskanurmaranija

FATE OF THE WORLD, REViSED   by Mohammed Napolon, main editor
--------------------------------------------------------------
I  tried to write an article about ta fate of ta world, but my
dog  jumped  up  and down on  my  keyboard and Afghanbashi the
stupid  fool  inserted spelling mistakes on  top of that so it
did not work out. I mean, that was in eL aFGHANO #1. Now I try
to rewrite the article. Uuuh... What has to be rewritten? Lets
read  the  article. "blinki blinki  twinki winki." Hey, diz is
okej!  Nice introduction. "ah. sumalti nivosto. okej okej i am
s'posed  ta writa in english. okej." Well at least our readers
have  learned  a  bit more  Pashtuna  langua  with this little
sentence!  "so  afghanbashi, pleaze  translate." A mistake! He
translated everything wrong, as I see when I read this article
again  now that I have learned ta speak and comprehend BSE and
burger  eater langua!! "okej. so, i am going ta write about ta
fate  of  the world. ojek. well so  wot am i going ta write? i
mean  you  know our one and only  god dont ya? so you know the
fate of the world dont ya? ya ya see its in his hands. gretinx
to  ale  mane bashi shroder and  usa  bashi klinton btw. et ta
coaxcable  ta writin style rulez. okej so  wut was i up ta? ah
ja blinki twinki, ta fate of ta world. ta world, ta world will
exist,  it will exit for ever, eh, exist for ever! but only if
everybady  belief  in  our on and  onli!  eh!  ja! thats wot i
wanted  ta  say! afgnanustan rulat!  hogy vagy!" very bad very
bad  opps  now I write almost  like  Afghanbashi did. Well you
see, it was a bad article. And ale mane bashi = kraut bashi is
Shtoiber,  not Shroder. Exactly. That's  it. Ya know, ale mane
rooted  in  burger  eater  langua.  And  burger  eater  langua
actually  rooted  in Afghanistan.  Everything developed out of
Sanskrit.  Okej  Sanskrit  ain't an  Afghane  language  but it
rooted  from Afghanistan too. That's  why we consider Sanskrit
as  a holy langua. I guess now ya have learned very much on ta
history  of  Afghanistan.  Ya have not  learned  ta fate of ta
world but who cares, this is less important neway. ranmuletime

SPELLiNG ERRORS                        by Arturo Ui, co editor
--------------------------------------------------------------
SPEELING  ERROR ARE BAD, BAD, BAD, BUT STIL I MAKE EM. BECOZ I
DONOT SE WHAT THEY ARE, YES ITS LIKE THAT!

SiMPLE MiNDS                 by Mohammed Napolon, main editor
--------------------------------------------------------------
We are simple minds. We can only think of our Basic Instincts.
These are: eating. drinking. smoking. making e-mags. Yeah, diz
are  our bsic instincts. Well, actually I was wrong. Arturo Ui
also  thinks  of soccer and dreams  of affording a TV one day.
This  day  will be very soon  if  Afghanistan stays on prosper
like  it does now! Our activity,  the e-mag, which we sell for
cheap  money (only 5 dollars) but ta many people and therefore
by  which  we learn much money,  this  will make Afghanistan a
rich  country again. Then we can  afford more, eh, actually we
do  not  need  to  afford  it,  bcuz  we  Afghanes  produce it
ourselves.  Ya ask what? Read ta introduction in eL aFGHANO 1!
(Yippieh  I've  found  a way to  motivate  readers to read old
e-mags! Without even making the new issues worser than them!)

CODiNG CORNER       by Afghanbashi, the only intelligent being
--------------------------------------------------------------
This  mag misses something. It is  a coding corner. Although I
don't have pity with the fate of this mag, eL aFGHANO anymore,
although  it  is my child, because  I was the real mind behind
it, I made issue 1 almost all alone and I had the idea to make
the  mag at all to improve  our economical situation, I'll try
to  make it a bit more modern  with the coding corner. I would
do this if I did not have this byte limit that makes it imposs

A NASTY REMARK               by Mohammed Napolon, main editor
--------------------------------------------------------------
Afghanbashi,  you should become a  editor of ta Wilby diskmag!
Then  you have ta write short articlez  and I see you are very
experienced with it awready! numladumasemiakneduramerakurateli

ONE WORLD, ONE MIND.  by Maestro Monteverdi, hobby philosopher
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Sometimes  I  think  that the world  we  are living in is just
controlled  by one mind, that it is  just a game played by one
mind.  Indeed it was proven that  the earth is not an isolated
system.  It is part of the  universe. Perhaps there is even an
upper  layer to the universe. Perhaps we are only the organ of
a  higher  species.  Or only parts  of  that organ. Who really
knows  the truth? I am  looking forward to further exploration
of everything that surrounds us human beings.

THE LAST ARTiCLE             by Mohammed Napolon, main editor
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This  will  be  the last real  article.  Not  exactly the last
article  but the last real one! Or  not even ta last real one.
Maybe  diz ain't a real article either.  But, if it was a real
article,  then  it was ta last  one.  What will follow will be
only  comments and credits and such  stupid stuph. And I think
that  I  as  ta  main editor have  ta  right  to write ta last
article. Even if I don't write many articlezz, ta first and ta
last  one  is  reserved for me. Okej.  So  I  want to use this
chance  to say goodbye to our  readers until ta next issua. It
was  properly  said a vrainment pleasure  to be with ya, ta be
with  ya in ta spirit... ta be joined in ta one and only. Yes,
ya  were joined in his spirit by read diz magazine... thank ya
for  it  and  NOW VOTE FOR ME  AS  THE  PRESIDENT OF THE E-MAG
SCENE!!  (Okej, this uppercase stuff rather resembles Arturo's
bad  style from which I want  to keep distance but who cares.)
Neway... I find it really hard... to close... this issue... it
was  a nice work, a nice part of my life... now, issue, go, be
released...  be read by many people who love it and appreciate
it...  go,  little issue... I'll  miss you... hope people will
always  treat  you nice... do no  harm to you, my little honey
baby...  undestand you and your  aim correctly... know that ya
are  a  little  child... very fragile  and  to be handled with
care... and with love... yes... this is what this little issue
needs...  hopefully everybody will understand it... and nobody
will  delete it from his hdd drive... otherwise the two years,
eh,  weeks of my life working on this issue would be in vain..
and  I  would have no motivation  to continue this e-mag, this
nice e-mag, my baby my own...... sniff.

ADDiTiON TO CHARTS           by Mohammed Napolon, main editor
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One  note  in the end, we don't  want your help! We don't need
your  help! If you contribute to eL aFGHANO in any way, unless
your  Afghane, foreign blood will mud  our mag and our one and
only  will be very upset! So we  don't want you to fill in the
voteshit,  we  don't need you anyway.  We  can make the charts
alone  too. And never write an article or feedback. We will be
very angry with you if you do. relskilemnitomskarutelniskumine

PHILOSOPHY OF PEACE    by Maestro Monteverdi, foreign minister
--------------------------------------------------------------
Unfortunately,  the  main  editor  of  this magazine, Mohammed
Napolon,  uses rather rude words in his articles, which could
be  misunderstood.  I  hereby  want to  make  clear  that I am
opposed  to  any  form  of violence,  be  it  of  verbal or of
physical  nature. Thank you for reading  this, and have a good
time until the next issue of this magazine will be released.

CREDiTS                      by Mohammed Napolon, main editor
--------------------------------------------------------------
Main Editor..................................Mohammed Napolon
Co Editor............................................Arturo Ui
Minister of Foreign Affairs.................Maestro Monteverdi
Stupid Sucker......................................Afghanbashi
Fake Translator.......................................Pedro S.
We send greetings to rECTUM cAUDA, aCCESS dENiED and all other
people that share our spirit. unityjusticeandlibertyforourhome

                         - THE END -

By  the way: Compare the size of  this file and the size of eL
aFGHANO  1.  What do you  notice? Right, Mohammed Napolon did
not  lie  in  his editorial. At  least  once he has spoken the
truth (or what may be the truth). Yours, Maestro Monteverdi
